6 Things A Married Man Should Never Say To His Wife

Words are powerful, and the words you choose in marriage matter more than you often realize. 

Marriage is all about compromise, communication, unconditional love, and knowing when to keep your mouth shut.

You can do the dishes, remember anniversaries, and even put the toilet seat down every single time, but utter one of these six phrases and you’ll be sleeping on the couch faster than you can say “I didn’t mean it like that.”

6 Things a Married Man Should Never Say to His Wife

1. Never tell her she’s like her mother

There are moments for everything, and there are specific moods or atmospheres in which you shouldn’t utter some words.

When you tell your wife she’s like her mother in the heat of an argument, when you both know that the mom is not an exceptional role model, what do you think the outcome will be?

That kind of comparison is an insult, even if it is unintended.

It tells her her family, especially her mum, sucks, and she is already towing that line.

Instead of addressing whatever issues led you to that point, you begin what looks like an attack on her and her family.

Even if you have noticed behavioral patterns, the middle of an argument is not where you should bring them out.

If you absolutely must bring it up, avoid saying she’s like her mother; that’s a sure way to start an argument at home.

2. Never dismiss her emotions with “you’re being too emotional” or “calm down”

There is nobody in history who has ever been calmed by being told to calm down.

Asking your wife to calm down when she is expressing her deepest concerns, or maybe “shallow concerns” by your standards, is practically you shutting down her emotions.

Her perception and opinion do not count as long as you’re not the one pointing them out.

It shows that you see her feelings as irrational and excessive.

It means to you that her experience does not matter as long as you feel you have done the best in that situation.

Instead of doing all of these, validate her feelings first, listen without judgment, and understand that her emotions are information about what matters to her.

You don’t have to agree with how she feels to respect it.

Listening is love’s loudest language.

3. Never compete with “I do more than you do”

The very moment you begin to tell your wife that you do more than she does, you have created a competition.

Your marriage moves beyond being a partnership to being some sport 

It also means that you have been creating scores and documenting resentments in your marriage.

This is because there is nothing that has a cause without a corresponding reaction. 

And you forget that what comes to you easily might be very difficult for her.

For example, my husband makes my annual income in two weeks of work, and when I contribute to the family, it would be unwise of him to regard it as inconsequential because of the amount I’m contributing.

What’s probably three hours of work for him will take me nothing less than two months.

I am not saying every part of the contribution has to be financial; it could be in terms of chores or making meaningful decisions.

If you ever use this statement on your wife, it simply means you do not appreciate her efforts.

4. Never bring up your ex in favorable comparisons

Naturally, there is nothing about your ex that should be in your relationship, let alone in your marriage.

However, there are instances when you will talk about them, either when referring to an incident that features them or how they did one or two things in your life.

On the other hand, it is an entirely different ball game when you put your wife side by side with your ex, pointing out the positive features she has over your wife.

This is hurtful and disrespectful.

It either means you have brought her into your life to compete with your past or you’re not fully committed to your wife.

Keep your ex in your past and avoid comparisons that show she is not your priority.

There’s no space for your ex in your marriage, and definitely no room for comparison.

5. Never comment that she’s “let herself go”

There is a whole lot that goes into a woman’s body and life, and most of what takes the heat is her body.

This is so because of all the hormonal changes that come at different times of the month.

When her physical appearance takes a hit from media standards, she is the first person who feels devastated, even before you mention it.

When you then begin to rub it in, you create a lasting insecurity for her.

I remember I used to moan to my husband about how much I hated my big stomach, and I termed it my insecurity.

He hugged me so tightly and told me he loves me and my ‘insecurity’.

He reminded me of everything I have gone through in the space of one year and how I handled everything so perfectly.

That is what a good husband should do. 

Telling her she let herself go is tearing her down and making her feel less of herself.

6. Never weaponize your commitment with “I never wanted to get married anyway”

There is nothing more condescending than saying this to your wife.

You are simply saying that from the start, you never wanted to be there, and you were probably “convinced” or “compelled” into marrying her.

It means everything you have built is a lie, and you never took the commitment to heart.

This statement is just you weaponizing all you have ever been to her and what the future likely holds.

Love was never meant to be used as a weapon.

If you must fight, let it be for your marriage, not against it.

 

If you do not want to create a gulf that will be never-ending in your marriage, bridle your tongue.

I am not saying bridle it by walking on eggshells or pretending to be who you are not.

Just saying tact is a superpower, and you should act with love and dedication to your spouse.