I write a lot about toxic men and what to avoid in relationships.
And to be honest, those conversations are necessary because they protect us from making devastating mistakes.
But today, I want to talk about the good ones.
Yeah yeah.
Because good husbands exist, and if you have one, you should know it so you can appreciate him instead of taking him for granted.
And if you’re dating or engaged, you should know what to look for so you don’t settle for less than you deserve.
So here are 6 signs your husband is a good man.
If he checks most or all of these boxes, hold onto him because the brotha is rare!
6 Signs Your Husband is a Good Man
1. He’s Not Perfect, But He’s Actively Trying to Be Better
I had to start with this point so you don’t think a good husband is a perfect one.
No one is perfect, not even the best husband in the world.
Your husband will mess up, remember he’s human, and humans are flawed.
But the difference between a good man and just any man is that a good man is actively trying to be better.
He doesn’t use his flaws as an excuse to stay the same forever.
No. He recognizes where he falls short, and he makes a genuine effort to improve.
For example, maybe he has a temper.
A good man doesn’t just accept that as his permanent reality; he works on it.
He goes to therapy, he apologizes when he loses control, and tries to do better next time.
I see this in my own husband.
He’s not perfect. There are things about him that frustrate me, like his raising his voice when he’s angry.
And I hate it. But I see him working on it daily to get better.
Sometimes, he takes a walk when things are about to get heated between us.
That willingness to grow is what separates a good husband from a mediocre one.
A mediocre husband will tell you, “This is just who I am, accept it or leave.”
So, if your husband is trying to be a better partner, you have a good man.
2. He’s Consistent
Some wives know that when their husbands are being sweet, they want something.
Nothing is ever innocent, because there are always strings attached to their kindness.
And that’s exhausting because you can never just enjoy his kindness.
A good husband is consistent with his kindness when he wants something and when he doesn’t.
In fact, when you don’t expect him to be kind, like when you annoy him or have a fight, he’s still kind.
I remember coming across a video on social media where a husband brought his wife lunch at work even though they had a fight in the morning before they left home.
It was so heartwarming I could almost cry.
An average husband would let his feelings determine how he’d treat you, but not this man.
That’s a true definition of a good man, treating you kindly regardless of his feelings, and I think we can all take a leaf from that.
3. He’s Kind to People Who Can’t Do Anything for Him
I don’t care how sweet a man is to you if he is rude to everyone else.
Just as I don’t trust a man who treats everyone well and treats his wife badly, so also, I don’t trust a man who treats his wife well but treats everyone else terribly.
Kindness shouldn’t be selective.
A good man is respectful to people regardless of their status or what they can offer him, because how a man treats people who can’t benefit him reveals his true character.
Anyone can be nice to their boss, their wealthy friends, and people they need something from, but being kind to someone who has nothing to offer you reveals your true character.
I’ve noticed that men who are naturally kind to others are usually gentle husbands too.
Notice I didn’t say perfect, but gentle.
Because kindness isn’t something they switch on for romance.
It’s who they are.
4. He Respects You Even When He’s Angry
If you think your husband will never get angry because he’s a good man, sorry sis, but that’s not realistic.
Anger is an emotion; even Jesus flipped tables in the Bible. 😂
So the issue isn’t whether your husband gets angry; the issue is what he does when he’s angry.
Does he insult you, hit you, call you degrading names, break things, threaten divorce, bring up our past???
Because sometimes I read some things on social media that leave me confused, like, ”Oh, my husband is a good man, but the last time we had a fight, he hit me or called me stupid.”
And I’m there wondering, ”So where is the good man, or am I missing something?”
Look, anybody can be respectful when calm, that’s ”easy peasy lemon squeezy” as my kids would say.
But a man who respects and treats you with dignity even during conflict is a true gentleman.
5. He Defends You When You’re Not in the Room
A good husband doesn’t just care about how he treats you; he cares about how others treat you, too, especially his family.
I know men who love their wives more than. life itself, but just can’t get their family to respect the wife they love so much.
That’s not love enough because love is not just affection; it’s also protection.
You know, I broke up with an ex I really loved because of this.
He couldn’t stand up to his family, even for himself.
How did I expect such a man to stand up for me?
You know, I broke up with an ex because of this. He couldn’t stand up to his family, even for himself.
So how exactly was he going to stand up for me?
A good man doesn’t allow his family or anyone to disrespect his wife, not to her face and definitely not behind her back.
Defending your wife doesn’t mean shouting at your mother, fighting in the streets (let’s hope it doesn’t get to that), or cutting everyone off dramatically; it means setting boundaries firmly and saying simple sentences like:
“That’s my wife. Please don’t speak about her that way.”
“She’s my wife. You will respect her.”
Not ”You know how my mom is.”
No, bro, I don’t know how your mom is. You know how he is, so deal with it!
Even the Bible says a man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife.
That “leave” doesn’t mean disrespect; it means priority, that you are his first family now, and a good husband makes it clear.
6. He Can Handle Your Success Without His Ego Getting Bruised
I feel so pained when I see women who could have been something shrink themselves because their husbands can’t handle their success.
I always say that sometimes, a woman will be more ambitious and accomplished than her husband, and a good husband sees that as a gift, not a competition or a threat to his ego.
He brags about you and supports your dreams even when they eclipse his own because he understands that your success doesn’t diminish him; it elevates the entire family.
You don’t know what hell is until you marry an insecure man who can’t handle your shine.
He’ll sabotage you, discourage you, and make snide comments about how you’re “too busy” or “forgetting your priorities.”
He’ll literally guilt you for pursuing your goals and make you feel selfish for wanting more.
All because your success makes him feel inadequate.
A good husband wants you to thrive because your happiness and fulfillment matter to him more than his ego.
If your husband is all these six things, you have a good man.
Hold onto him and don’t take him for granted.
If you are a man reading this and you do all these, on behalf of your wife, I say ”thank you!