As I consider writing this article, I ask myself if there’s a difference between love and care.
Like, can a man love you and not care about you?
Or maybe he loves you, that’s how he feels, but caring about you…I think that requires action.
Love is a feeling, can be passive, but care is behaviour, it requires effort and thoughtfulness, sacrifice even.
That’s why you can be married to a man who says he loves you, but you still feel neglected and uncared for.
So how do you know if your husband truly cares about you?
He Takes Care of You When You Can’t Take Care of Yourself
I read a post on Medium recently where the writer said that men are likely to leave their wives when they get sick.
And I agree, wives are more likely to be abandoned by their husbands during serious illness than husbands are by their wives.
In fact, studies confirm this.
Many men don’t know how to care for someone who can no longer serve them.
They claim to love their wives, yet when their wives need them most, like when they’re sick and vulnerable, these men disappear either physically by leaving the marriage, or being useless.
They’re there, but it’s just as good as not being there.
A man who truly cares about you shows up when you can’t show up for yourself.
I mean, that’s the best time to prove his love for you.
There’s a reason “in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer” is said in wedding vows.
Anyone can love when you’re healthy and rich, but to be there in sickness and when there are reasons to run away, that’s true care.
So if your husband cares for you when you’re sick, bringing you water, food, medication, taking care of the kids so you can rest, he truly cares.
Even when you are down emotionally, he’s there, listening to you, holding your hands, even without saying a word, picking up the slack around the house without complaining, not making you feel guilty for struggling…
That’s a man who cares!
He Prioritizes Your Comfort Even When It Inconveniences Him
In this age of self-care and prioritizing yourself, it’s easy to forget that a good husband also prioritizes your comfort, not just his own.
Sorry to say, but an average man is selfish; they are really good at making sure they’re comfortable.
They’ll adjust the temperature to what they like, sit in the best seat, make plans that suit them, and literally do what’s convenient for them.
A man who truly cares about you considers your comfort too, even when it means sacrificing his own.
I’m not saying he should never consider his own comfort, God no.
If you’re a good wife, you won’t even want that, I mean, everything should not revolve around you.
But there’s a difference between a man who only thinks about himself and occasionally considers you, and a man who genuinely thinks about your comfort as much as his own.
If your husband is the latter, you’ve got a man who cares about you for real.
He Apologizes Sincerely When He Hurts You
I’ve heard a lot of women say their husbands love them, but the same husbands would rather chew jeans than say “sorry” when they’ve done something wrong.
And I’m like, how exactly does he love you if he can’t apologize when he hurts you?
I believe when you care about someone, their pain matters to you, especially when you’re the one who caused it.
A husband who truly cares about you doesn’t let his ego get in the way of making things right.
He doesn’t justify, deflect, or turn it around on you when you tell him he hurt you.
And he surely doesn’t give you a non-apology like “I’m sorry you feel that way” while refusing to take responsibility for what he did.
No.
A man who cares says, “I’m sorry. I was wrong. I hurt you, and I shouldn’t have.”
See?
And it even goes beyond that, he makes an effort to change and not repeat the hurt.
They say a genuine apology is a changed behavior, which is true because an apology without change is just manipulation.
So, a man who truly cares doesn’t just say sorry and then do the same thing again next week.
Nah.
He Notices When Something is Off Even When You Say You Are Fine
It’s not news that when you ask an average woman who is visibly upset what is wrong, her default answer is “I’m fine.”
I don’t know why we do this, but I think most times, we just want to know if you care enough to push past the surface answer.
An average man will say ”okay” and continue with his life.
That’s how we know you don’t care, bro! You only asked to fulfill all righteousness.
We know a man who truly cares will see through it because he notices when something is off, even when you’re trying to hide it.
That’s why he’ll ask again, “Are you sure? You don’t seem fine,” or he just sits with you quietly until you’re ready to talk.
That’s a man who truly cares.
The men who don’t care don’t want to dig deeper because caring might require time, attention, and resources, which he doesn’t care enough to spend on you.
If you can’t fool your husband with ”I’m fine.”, you’ve got a man who cares about you.
He Remembers What Matters to You
This right here is the real test of whether a man truly cares.
Because how do you care about me when you don’t know or even care what matters to me?
My dreams, my passions, my fears, the things that light me up, the things that stress me out?
If a man can’t remember these things, he’s not paying attention, and if he’s not paying attention, he doesn’t truly care.
He Gives
You can’t tell me nothing.
You can’t say you love me and care about me, but you never give me anything.
Even the Bible says, “For God so loved the world that He gave…”
Love and care naturally lead to giving.
I’m not saying you should buy me expensive gifts every week or shower me with luxury items.
Of course, if you can afford it, that’s fine baby, but that’s not what I’m talking about.
I mean, how do you say you care about me, and you don’t give me anything?
A man who truly cares about you gives thoughtful gifts, not necessarily expensive ones, but things that show he was thinking about you.
Everyone around me knows I love coffee, perfumes, books, pens, fragrances, notes, and colorful prints.
These aren’t necessarily expensive, and I’d appreciate it no matter the amount.
If your husband regularly gives you gifts, you better be gifting that man back.
If you have a man who cares about you in these six ways, hold the man tight.
He’s a rare gem!