Why Does My Husband Not Value Me?

It’s a terrible feeling to see a man who once professed his undying love to you start treating you unpleasantly.

You can’t seem to understand how he moved from a high point of admiration to a low point of disdain.

You can’t even remember the last time he appreciated you.

You both live like housemates.

Your sacrifices go unnoticed.

Sometimes, he snaps at you when you talk.

And when you try to point his attention to it, he doesn’t seem interested.

You don’t know what you did wrong.

It could be that he doesn’t value your place as his wife.

Some reasons why a husband does not value his wife are;

Why Does My Husband Not Value Me?

1. He doesn’t love you.

Love and value go hand in hand.

When we love a thing, we place so much value on it.

Expressing how much we love someone goes beyond what we say but also in our actions.

When a man is in love with his wife, he will not want to hurt her deliberately.

A loving man knows and sees his wife as his partner.

He holds her in high esteem.

He appreciates and honors her.

He supports her at all times.

He ensures to carry her along every step of the way.

If your husband doesn’t value you, it means he has either lost his love for you or doesn’t love you.

Peradventure, he used to appreciate, admire, and support you but suddenly stopped,

It could be that he lost the love he had for you.

But if he had been like this from the beginning, it’s a signal that he never really loved you.

Once love is missing, resentment sets in.

2. Negative upbringing

Everyone has a family.

And our family background has a lot of influence on our disposition to issues.

Some men want to build their homes the way their parents did.

They believe that whatever made their parents be together for many years is what they also need to do.

If your husband grew up in a home where his father never valued his mother,

He saw his father treat his mother in a demeaning manner, yet, she stayed with him.

This could be why he’s doing the same thing to you.

He doesn’t see anything wrong with it.

And no matter how you nag about it, it might change nothing.

However, he needs help. You may have to consider seeing a therapist.

3. Emotional immaturity

If your husband doesn’t value you, it could be because he’s emotionally immature.

An emotionally immature man finds it difficult to manage his emotions.

He is usually selfish. He looks for his interests in every situation.

He always wants to be the center of attraction at all times.

And if things don’t go how he wants, everyone is in soup.

When there’s conflict, he turns to name-calling.

He says nasty and terrible words.

An emotionally immature husband has no value for his wife’s efforts.

4. Cultural influences

Culture has the potential to influence marriage.

Every society has its culture: how they do things and their disposition towards people.

Though beautiful, every culture has its good and bad side.

In some cultures, women don’t have a say regarding marriage.

They believe a man is the lord and master of his wife.

They place no value on women.

She has no say and dares not to raise her voice against her husband.

She can’t be shown much love and attention as this could get into her head.

Men raised in this kind of society would find it challenging to appreciate and honor the women in their lives.

They grew up in this society.

And they see that that’s how things work.

If this is the kind of culture your husband came out from, then this might be why he doesn’t value you.

It is simply because he was raised in a society that places little or no value on women.

This mindset is self-defeating, and he needs a re-orientation.

This will help him understand and embrace the correct values.

You both may need to seek professional help from a therapist.

5. He’s insecure

An insecure man tends to mask his insecurities by being excessively controlling.

He believes that if he appreciates his wife, it could get into her head and cause her to “misbehave”.

He is afraid of his wife becoming big.

Hence, he does everything possible to undermine her strengths, beauty, and worth.

He finds a way to suppress them whenever she tries to amplify them.

Her sacrifices for the home mean nothing to him.

He doesn’t see them as a big deal.

He has a warped orientation of value.

An insecure man needs help.

6. Lack of respect

A man who lacks respect for his wife won’t value her.

Some men are disrespectful husbands.

They have no respect for their wives’ opinions and choices.

They have no regard whatsoever for their wives.

A disrespectful man yells at his wife at any slightest provocation.

When amid friends and family, he treats her with disdain.

He makes scornful comments about her.

He doesn’t see her as being worthy of being honored.

He takes “glory” in being demeaning.

If this is who your husband is, it is essential not to give him a chance to treat you with disdain.

As much as possible, voice your opinion calmly.

And also, build your sense of worth to a point where he would find it challenging to disrespect.

Always remember you’re a woman of worth and substance.

Don’t allow his negative opinion about you to make you lose your sense of value.

7. Lack of effort

Marriage is sustained by a joint effort between the husband and his wife.

They will keep working at it to build the marriage of their dream.

When a woman observes that her husband isn’t putting in the required effort, she feels unvalued.

When her husband seems to have left the responsibility of building the home to her, she feels neglected.

If this is the situation in your home, having an open and honest conversation with your husband is crucial.

He might have a lot going on with him that he’s not telling you.

Probably, that’s what is affecting his commitment level.

8. Unrealistic expectations

Unrealistic expectations have the propensity to affect the beauty of marriage.

Some husbands desire perfection and nothing less from their wives.

They have a standard they’ve set, and she must not fall short of it.

When she meets them all, she’s the best wife anyone could have.

When she falls short of one, she’s in for it.

A husband with unrealistic expectations attaches love and appreciation to the good his wife does.

When she does what he disproves, he holds back his affection.

9. Lack of gratitude

When a man refuses to appreciate his wife’s efforts, he doesn’t value her.

A lack of gratitude is a sense of entitlement.

He sees no big deal in his wife’s sacrifices for the home.

Expressing gratitude to one’s wife shows that you acknowledge her input.

It shows that you place value on her.

When a woman is appreciated, she is encouraged to do more.

She is happy her husband takes notice of her.

Every woman desires that her husband values her.

Final Words

I want to let you know that these reasons aren’t excuses for your husband’s actions but rather point out some probable reasons for his actions.

He might not even know the extent of pain he’s causing you.

Having an honest and open conversation is highly recommended.

You can also speak to a professional counselor who can help you navigate the issue.